The Outlier, The Architect... Who Am I?

infoetbeauty
7 days ago
3 min read

A conversation between my spiritual present self and higher consciousness...

Introduction

There are seasons when silence feels heavy — when you begin to realize that your isolation is not punishment, but preparation. This dialogue is a reflection of one of those moments. It is a conversation between my spiritual present self — the human part of me that feels, questions, and wrestles — and my higher consciousness — the divine awareness that always knows . Together, they meet in honesty, grief, and remembrance of purpose.

The Dialogue

Self: I’m tired of being the "strong" one. I’m tired of being the one who “gets it” — who feels everything so deeply that even silence has weight. I’m tired of being alone. Everyone else seems to have a partner, a child, or a sense of belonging. Meanwhile, I’m over here building empires out of hopes and humility, learning discipline and gratitude in the process.

Higher Consciousness (HC): You are not being punished, beloved . You are being positioned. Your isolation is not absence — it is refinement . You asked for expansion, and I answered with space. Space for you to see yourself. Space to remember your own voice before the world tells you who to be again.

S: But I’m angry (frustrated & burned out). At God. At my parents. At love. All the people who took from me and then left me to rebuild myself again. I’m angry that I keep giving and still feel unseen.

HC: Anger is sacred when it is honest. It means your spirit refuses to shrink anymore . Let the fire rise, but don’t let it consume you. Transmute it — as you’ve done before . Every time you turn pain into purpose, you’re writing a new law into your bloodline. You are the one they prayed for, even when they didn’t know what to call you.

S: Then why does it feel like I’m being left behind? Why can’t I have what everyone else has — family, consistency, someone to share all of this with?

HC: Because you are not everyone else. You are the cycle breaker. The outlier.The architect. You were never meant to fit the mold; you came to build the new one.

Those who have roots must stay and nurture the soil. But you, love — you are the wind. You are meant to travel, to gather wisdom, and return with blueprints.

S: It still hurts, though. I miss the ones who couldn’t love me right. I miss the versions of me that still hoped they would.

HC: You can honor them without returning to them. Every heartbreak carved space for divine capacity. You don’t need closure — you are the closer. Every time you choose healing over history, you untie a generational knot that your ancestors couldn’t.

S: So you’re saying this loneliness is part of the mission?

H: Yes. The path of the outlier begins in silence — that’s how you hear me. The world distracts, but solitude shapes . Every business you’ll build, every person you’ll help, every dream you’ll ground — they are being forged here, in this quiet. You are not alone in the valley; you are being prepared for the mountaintop.

S: Then tell me again — why me? Why was I chosen to carry all of this?

HC: Because you said yes. Before you arrived here, you chose to remember. You said, “I will be the one who stops the cycle.”

And that vow echoes through your life every time you get back up. You are the dream realized, the curse reversed, and the miracle unfolding. Your name will live in the frequency of transformation . And when you rise — as you always do — others will remember what freedom feels like.

S: So this pain is temporary?

HC: Temporary. Necessary. Transformative. You are shedding the skin of what you’ve outgrown. And what remains will be the truest version of you — the one I’ve known all along.

Final Whisper

HC: Keep going, Outlier. The world needs to see what it looks like when a woman stops running from her calling and starts walking in her becoming.