Burning the Old to Become the Phoenix: A Night I Won’t Forget

Last night was… something else. I couldn’t sleep for anything. I ate a slice of pizza, had a little wine, and thought I’d drift off, but the second I lay down, my mind started running laps. My chest felt tight, acid reflux kicking in no matter how I turned. I kept trying to get comfortable, but my body said, “Nope.”

I tried picking up my phone, thinking the mindless scrolling would tire me out, but it didn’t. And at this point in my life, nothing on my phone excites me the way it used to anyway. Not when I know I can manifest bigger. My life is getting too real, too aligned, too purposeful for me to be hypnotized by random videos.

So I stopped. I put my phone down. And I decided to talk to God instead.

I told Him the truth: I wasn’t sure about my future. I felt displaced after leaving my salon space. I was trying to overwork so I didn’t have to feel sad. I was frustrated, uninspired, and overwhelmed. My workbook felt heavy, and so did my heart.

I checked the moon, and of course, it was in Aries.

“Oh, that’s why I can’t sleep,” I said to myself.

Fire energy.

Restlessness.

The urge to burn everything down and rise again.

And honestly… that’s exactly how I felt. Like a phoenix cracking open from the inside.

I told God straight up, “I need help making a decision. Or just give me peace about how everything will work out.”

Because I was tired. Tired of being strong, tired of holding it together, tired of pretending I wasn’t scared.

And then boredom hit. That dangerous kind of boredom, not the “I need a hobby” boredom, but the one that makes you reach for old patterns, old habits, old people. I almost reached out to somebody I had no business texting at 2 AM. Out of pure boredom. Out of wanting to feel something. Out of wanting even a drop of stimulation to distract me.

But something in me caught it.

I remembered this: “If you’re worried about what someone else is doing, your hobby is not fulfilling you enough.”

And I realized, I was restricting my creative flow. I wanted to be entertained instead of inspired. I wanted a toxic high instead of divine alignment. I wanted a temporary hit of attention instead of the steady devotion to my purpose.

So instead of texting him, I got up. I opened my workbook file. I put on a Netflix show for background noise. I made some tea. And yes, I cracked open an Alani and ate Doritos at 3 AM, we’re not judging.

I wasn’t going back to sleep anyway.

I worked until about 6 AM. One hour of sleep. Woke up at 7:30 and started my day like nothing had happened.

And here’s the crazy part: I didn’t regret a thing. I didn’t feel drained. I actually felt alive.

Sometimes we suppress our true feelings, distract ourselves, or stress about things we can’t control. But then tomorrow comes,… and suddenly we have energy again. Suddenly, things make sense. We’re reminded that we are always one step closer.

One step closer to the vision. One step closer to our purpose. One step closer to the life God promised us.

Distractions will always show up right before your breakthrough. Tests always come right before your transformation. Last night was one of those tests — and I passed.

I didn’t reach out to anyone who doesn’t deserve access to me. I didn’t fold under boredom. I didn’t let frustration drive me to old patterns. I stayed with myself, even when it was uncomfortable . And I created something meaningful instead.

I’m so proud of myself. I’m proud that I didn’t collapse . I’m proud that I showed up for my purpose instead of searching for validation from someone who can’t pour into me.

Every day I wake up, I look forward to tomorrow, not because it’s guaranteed, but because it’s another day to show God I’m ready. Ready for the next chapter. Ready for my blessings.

Ready for my purpose.

Ready for my new life.

This is my Phoenix era.