"I Am Not My Upbringing": Liberating the Inner Child to Lead the Woman I’m Becoming

There’s a silent agreement many of us make as children: “If I can just be good enough, helpful enough, quiet enough, maybe I’ll be loved the way I need to be.”

That agreement shaped a large part of my early years, growing up in a home that was filled with people but often felt emotionally vacant. My father was emotionally distant and only appeared when I misbehaved. My mother worked 40+ hours a week caring for her sick parents. That left me raising myself emotionally. I was sensitive, curious, and expressive, and instead of being nurtured, I was called “a crybaby,” “lazy,” and “irresponsible.”

For a long time, I believed them. Until I realized ..."they didn’t even understand me."

The Emotional Revolution That Saved Me

I didn’t fully learn how to regulate my emotions until I was 26 years old. Before that, I was often destructive and emotionally unstable. My friendships were performative. My romantic relationships were driven by over-giving, hoping someone would fill the hole of what I didn’t receive as a child.

But then, I stopped trying to be understood by people who were never taught how to understand themselves.

I stopped trying to perform "perfection", to "earn" love. I stopped shrinking to soothe other people’s discomfort with my voice, my dreams, and my vision.

I moved cities. I changed environments. I detoxed from the chaos. And suddenly, my body began to heal. My Crohn’s disease symptoms, which had plagued me through my teens, started to fade. The bleeding stopped. The mucus disappeared. My body told the truth before I could: dis-ease leaves when you no longer tolerate the environments that cause it.

Astrology Helped Me Make Sense of It All

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was living out the assignment of my birth chart.

My 4th House (home & upbringing) is ruled by Aquarius, and the ruler of Aquarius—Uranus—sits in my 3rd House of communication in Capricorn. My roots were always meant to be different, emotionally detached, and wired for independence. But that independence came at a cost.

I wasn’t raised to express myself—I was taught to suppress. But my Sun sits in Gemini, in the 8th House of transformation. That means my purpose is to speak the unspoken. To transform others by sharing the very things I was once afraid to admit.

And when I finally accepted that? Everything clicked.

Becoming the Woman My Inner Child Needed

I no longer seek approval. I no longer try to be "the good daughter" or "the polite little girl."I nurture myself now. I take myself to the park. I dance. I color. I give myself flowers. I speak to my inner child like she matters—because she does.

The woman I am becoming is gentle, grounded, and radiant—but most importantly, she is free. Free to love without clinging. Free to build a life rooted in joy and nourishment.Free to create success that doesn’t feel performative but sacred.

My 10th House (career and legacy) is in Leo, and Leo wants to be seen, not for performance, but for presence. I now see my business as more than just skincare. It’s legacy work. It’s healing through the body. It’s creating the kind of emotional safety I never had growing up, for myself and others.

Your Wake-Up Call: You Are Not Your Upbringing

You don’t have to repeat what raised you. You are not too much. You are not lazy. You are not unworthy. You are a fully formed soul navigating a system that was never designed for emotional brilliance.

So ask yourself:

• What family belief are you still carrying that doesn’t belong to you?

• Who told you your emotions were a problem?

• What kind of freedom are you denying yourself because it makes others uncomfortable?

The version of you you’ve been suppressing is the one who will build your legacy. Let her lead.

To the ones who feel too loud, too sensitive, too different—you were never meant to fit in. You were meant to liberate.

—Tamera Nesmith, EarthTone Beauty