How Can I Show Myself Love in the Ways I Wish Others Had?

All right, y’all—It’s a new day. A fresh start. It’s Sunday.

This week has been a little wild. I’ve been busy, running around, trying to get everything done. I think it’s the third week of May, so we’ve only got one more to go. But even in the chaos, I still want to show up. While I’m low-key retwisting my hair, I figured I’d respond to a shadow work prompt that feels good for today. Some of the questions are a little too heavy for where I am mentally, but this one? This one hit right.

The question is:

How can I show myself love in the ways I wish others had?

I had to sit with it. Say it out loud a few times. Let it sink in.

I reflect on the first time I "think" I was in love—or maybe it was just a crush. Back then, we thought attention was love. But as you get older and start dating people you want to build with, you realize it’s not just about mutual interest. It’s about intention. About knowing each other’s love language. About communication that goes beyond "you're cute."

It’s so important to pay attention not just to what’s said, but also to what’s not said. Sometimes, people show you exactly how they feel without ever saying it out loud. That’s why you need to know the difference between someone liking you and being ready for what you bring.

When I think about how I’ve shown love in the past, I realize I was doing what I wished someone would do for me. Sending lunch money, planning something thoughtful after a long day, suggesting a concert or trivia night, something fun and intentional. Those things aren’t small to me. They're meaningful. They’re a love language.

But when it isn’t reciprocated? That’s when it stings. That’s when you start asking if you’re being too much, if you should pull back. If you’re pouring into someone who has no idea how to pour into you.

What I’ve realized, though? I don’t have to wait for someone to love me how I want to be loved. I can love myself like that.

If I want flowers, I buy them. If I want to go out to eat, I take myself. If I want to celebrate a win, I go to Dollar Tree and get balloons for myself.

I used to think someone had to make it special. Now I know I am special. I’m the one making these moments matter. And if someone else comes into my life, they need to be able to match that, not just in action, but in intention. Consistency is what’s attractive to me now. Not grand gestures once in a while. But real presence. A true “I see you, and I want to meet you where you are.”

I stopped forcing people to do things for me because I would’ve done it for them. If I want to be treated a certain way, I treat myself that way first. I no longer wait for someone else to plan the experience I desire. I set the tone. Someone can join, cool. But they’re stepping into a space that already knows what it needs.

And the way I love—cooking, celebrating, showing up with thoughtfulness—I still do those things for people I care about. Even if they don’t always receive it the way I hoped. Because I’m not doing it to be understood. I am doing it because it’s who I am.

The key for me is this: if someone doesn’t understand how I show love, or doesn’t value it, that’s okay. I’m not going to stop. I'm not going to stop cooking for myself. I’m not going to stop buying the balloons. I will not stop smiling at the moon or driving through the quiet city streets at night just because it brings me joy.

The way I celebrate my life, my growth, and my wins, it is mine. And one day, someone will come into my world, see all of that, and say, “I want to celebrate you, too.”

But until then, and even after that, I’m going to keep showing myself the love I wish I had. Because I deserve it. Because I’ve worked for it. Because I know how good it feels to be seen—and I refuse to stop seeing myself.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I hope something in here resonates. I hope you ask yourself this same question, I hope your answer leads you back to your own heart, every time.